Lazy Husband Refuses to Tell Wife When He’s Taking Days Off of Work, She Finds Out He Played Video Games All Day Instead of Helping Out With the Children, Causing Marital Crisis

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Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Dec 30, 2024 2:00 PM EST

Welcome back ladies and gentlemen of the internet. Marriage is not a straight and narrow path. You may meet someone and think you've won the lottery, that you've met the one, your soulmate and the person you'll say 'I do' to. After years of being together, things will always change. Change shouldn't be seen as a negative, but it should be taken in strides, and each party should always work towards figuring out how to make things work for them. Communication, mutual respect, and willingness to improve and take criticism are essential to the entire edifice of relationships. 

This brings us to the Reddit thread. In this story, it centers around a married couple and their qualms. The original poster (OP) is a man who has almost double the amount of vacation days as his wife. As they're a married couple, he tells her when he's taking a day off work, and usually that ends up with him doing chores for the home, or taking care of their children. Well, he decides he no longer needs to tell her, creating harrowing marital effects.

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  • 01
    days + holidays. I try to take some days off randomly to do "me stuff" since I have extra days I can't spend with her. But every time I tell my wife I'm taking a day off something magically happens to ruin my day. A sniffle that we
    via Canva
  • 02
    r/AITAH 5 days ago Impressive Milk_ AITAH for not telling my wife I'm taking random days off here and there?
    via u/Impressive Milk_

    Ladies who are married (and even ladies you aren't), how important is communication in the relationship? There's no excuse not to tell your wife that you're taking the day off. She has every right to be upset about it, and if he's so scared to tell his own wife that he's taking a vacation day, then maybe there are other problems in the relationship that need addressing. 

  • 03
    I've been at my job for 10 years and have 30 PTO days a year + holidays. My wife only has 17 PTO days + holidays. I try to take some days off randomly to do "me stuff” since I have extra days I can't spend with her. But every time | tell my wife I'm taking a day off something magically happens to ruin my day. A sniffle that we
    via u/Impressive Milk_
  • 04
    would have normally sent our kid to school with all of a sudden becomes "well you're home you can stay with him". Or a myriad of other things that just magically pop up. "Help my mom with X". "Do XYZ chore" that happens to take 6 hours.
    via u/Impressive Milk_
  • 05
    Last week a took a day off and didn't tell her. I played video games for 4 hours, met a friend for lunch, and took a nap. She was all pissy when she found out. AITAH for not telling her I took a PTO day to veg?
    via u/Impressive Milk_
  • 06
    What a response. Too much to reply to everyone, but I would just posit this to those who are YTA'ng me for being a lazy schmuck:
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  • 07
    If I wasn't pulling my weight and being some sort of lazy POS around the house, why would me being off change that and all of a sudden make me go into chore mode?
    via u/Impressive Milk_

    Communication is key! 

  • 08
    Gangrene_Greg 5d ago. • This is just like that Malcolm in the middle episode
    via u/Gangrene_Greg

    Who else agrees and loves the show? 

  • 09
    CaptainMahvelous • 5d ago • My husband used to schedule things on my days off. It was always something super inconvenient, early morning, long errands, waiting for the service tech to arrive between 8am-noon, etc. He does not do this
    via u/CaptainMahvelous
  • 10
    anymore, but only because I sat him down and used my words. I totally get your frustration. NTA
    via u/CaptainMahvelous
  • 11
    Uropa_Hoppenst... • 5d ago. I don't think secrecy is the best way. Tell her when you take a day off and set boundaries. Don't let your wife volunteer you to help her mom etc. it's not your fault you got more pto, but it will be your fault if you don't
    via u/Uropa_Hoppenst
  • 12
    communicate with her properly - NTA
    via u/Uropa_Hoppenst
  • 13
    • sysdmn 5d ago • The foundation of a good relationship is good communication. If you are having trouble communicating that this is important to you, work on that in your relationship, don't find shortcuts and communicate less.
    via u/sysdmn
  • 14
    SnooLentils6640 5d ago. I understand your frustration. And I understand hers. What does she do on her days off?
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  • 15
    cpsmasher 5d ago • I'd say it's a mix. On her days off is she stuck trying to do all the errands and to complete stuff for the house not enjoying her day off while you do whatever you want? I'm sure there's a reason why she gets pissy about you taking a day off
    via u/cpsmasher
  • 16
    and "vegging out". Take two days off at a time. Let your wife know you're taking the time off, say I will put aside time on whichever day to do whatever needs to be done and I plan on vegging out on the other day. Personally, when my partner takes a day off and doesn't do anything
    via u/cpsmasher
  • 17
    it's irritating to me, bc on my days off I literally have about five minutes to myself, while on his days off he can spend endless hours enjoying his time off... so if the situation is anything like that then I'd say you're the AH
    via u/cpsmasher
  • 18
    lika_86 5d ago • Does your wife ever get to use her PTO days for a 'her day'? Or does she always end up doing stuff for or with your family on those days?
    via u/lika_86
  • 19
    thanksbutnotha... 5d ago. Every day, I am so grateful for my husband. That's all I will say.
    via u/thanksbutnotha
  • 20
    SocksAndPi ⚫5d ago • Does she get to just veg out on her PTO, like you want to do with yours, or are hers spent doing family sh (like chores, helping other family, etc.)?
    via u/SocksAndPi
  • 21
    ConvivialKat • 5d ago • Top 1% Commenter I don't ever think it's wise to lie to your spouse.
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  • 22
    As far as finding things for you to do on days you take off, I guess that comes down to how much of the household load she is handling versus how much you are handling.
    via u/ConvivialKat
  • 23
    If you take a day off when all the household chores are caught up, and she "finds" something for you to do (especially DIY for someone else), it's not okay.
    via u/ConvivialKat
  • 24
    But, if you take a day off and play video games for 4 hours, then she comes home to undone chores, that is a whole different story. You should just sit down and talk with her about it. This is definitely a "communication is key" moment.
    via u/ConvivialKat
  • 25
    HeySadBoy1 5d ago • INFO: how often does your wife get to use her PTO days just for herself?
    via u/HeySadBoy1
  • 26
    Dense-Passion-2... 5d ago I wonder how much of it is her being upset you're taking a day to yourself vs her feeling overwhelmed and feeling like you should be contributing more? It's possible these are two different conversations.
    via u/Dense-Passion-2
  • 27
    vectordot 5d ago • are you sure this is sabotage or are there just constantly things that need to be done as a part of being alive that your wife is keeping track of that you don't? Who would. manage these chores if you had not done them?
    via u/vectordot
  • 28
    FarPhrase119 • 5d ago • How does she spend her days off? If you're a responsible parent you basically have no days off unless you can fob kids off on relatives or a babysitter. If she's spending days off minding house and kids it
    via u/FarPhrase119
  • 29
    makes sense she'd expect you to as well.
    via u/FarPhrase119
  • 30
    sugahgayy 5d ago • This sounds like a mental load conversation and not a "sabotaging my me-time" conversation. You are also a parent, you also live in this home. It your wife completes errands on her days off you should expect to do the
    via u/sugahgayy
  • 31
    same. She is not a household manager
    via u/sugahgayy
  • 32
    Evendim 5d ago How often does your wife get a day to veg? Sometimes it is not in our minds that we can just do nothing, there is always something that needs doing.
    via u/Evendim
  • 33
    I don't think she is bu ying you, she is just taking advantage of a resource now open to her. It is totally fair to want a day to do nothing, but I think it is also reasonable to be asked to do something if you have the time. This is something
    via u/Evendim
  • 34
    you should be discussing with your wife.
    via u/Evendim
  • 35
    Amazing-Softwa... • 5d ago Top 5% Commenter This is the world's lamest epiphany, but her PTO is more precious than his since he gets a lot more of it. That doesn't mean that his wife should be able to set a task list for every PTO day he takes, but he should be at
    via u/Amazing-Softwa
  • 36
    least be willing to commit some of that time to making life at home easier for folks.
    via u/Amazing-Softwa

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